The Wrong Corneo
by The Ghost of Fade Kimarie
Summary: This is... weird...
1. The Wrong Corneo

Cloud looked deeply into his opponent's eyes, the occasional strand of silver grey hair blowing in front of his fair face.  
  
In the lifeless mirrors of Sephiroth's eyes, Cloud could see the vagueness of his reflection.  
  
Glowing eyes, stern saddened face, hair like a chocobo that had just been struck by lightening…  
  
Sephiroth, however, was a relatively good-looking guy.  
  
If you got past his very premature grey hairs and the fact that he might snap at any minute and chop you into pieces, he was indeed, a relatively good-looking guy.  
  
Oh, there was also Cid, but he's an ugly bastard.  
  
Don Corneo strode back and forth, studying the three strapping young men in front of him.  
  
"Hmmmm" he quietly muttered. "Should I take this one?"  
  
He studied Clouds face and smiled.  
  
"Or this one?" he asked, switching his attention to Sephiroth.  
  
He scanned Cid very quickly, because he was a real eye-sore, before he stepped back.  
  
His eyes twitched nervously between Cloud and Sephiroth, Cloud and Sephiroth.  
  
A single drop of sweat appeared on Clouds brow.  
  
Don raised his eyebrows, as he studied the three men before.  
  
"Well" he said, throwing his hands in the air in jubilation. "I've made my decision."  
  
Cloud, Sephiroth, and that Ugly Bastard Cid edged forward in suspense.  
  
"That saucy looking feline."  
  
Cloud, Sephiroth and Cid raised their eyebrows in surprise, and turned to see a very proud looking Nanaki.  
  
"Well, you know…" smiled Nanaki proudly, a smoking pipe between his paws.  
  
And to Cloud, Sephiroth and Cid's horror, Corneo took Nanaki's paw in his hand and walked with him into the bedroom.  
  
Sephiroth smiled warmly, and said "and to think you gave up Tifa for this," to a VERY horrified looking Cloud.  
  
"I can't believe not even a gay guy would go out with me" muttered Sephiroth.  
  
"Gay?" blurted Cid in disbelief. "Gay!"  
  
Then he ran and jumped out of the window, leaving Sephiroth and Cloud worrying about their usefulness. 


	2. Ciggarette Hunt

Disclaimer.  
  
The original version of this was written by Brad… so any thing you like about this fic, tell me, and anything you dislike, tell him.  
  
Only joking.  
  
  
  
Cigarette Hunt, written by Josh, Translated and Edited by The Ghost Of Fade Kimarie.  
  
  
  
It was early spring, and Cloud, Tifa, Aeris and Cid were sat around a polished wooden table in Clouds house, discussing a very serious issue over steaming cups of coffee.  
  
"What are we gonna do today?" asked Cid, a cigarette drooping from his lips.  
  
"I don't know," replied Aeris. "Destroy the Shinra?"  
  
"Good idea" smiled Tifa warmly.  
  
"Hang on, I thought we got rid of Shinra" replied Cloud in a somewhat unnerved voice. "… … … … … … … … and where the hell did you come from?"  
  
"Well, we did, but because the writer of this story couldn't think of any thing ells to write about, so Shinra reappeared from nowhere."  
  
"Damn" replied Cloud breathlessly. "But where the hell did you come from?"  
  
He looked at Aeris questioningly.  
  
"Oh… I don't actually know… I'm just here… okay?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"So how the *#$! Are we gonna get rid of the *#$!$%! Shinra then you *#$!!*$ £^%$$" asked Cid, the cigarette still hanging loosely from his lips.  
  
"Well, we could get Weapon and Sephiroth to blow the shinra building up again" suggested Aeris.  
  
"Weapon" smiled Tifa.  
  
"Yeah" nodded Aeris furiously.  
  
"Dead" stated Cloud quickly, dryly.  
  
Tifa frowned, before saying "Sephiroth...."  
  
"Yeah" nodded Aeris furiously.  
  
"Dead" stated Cloud quickly, dryly.  
  
"We could put fags around the building and set them alight" said Cid, quite sarcastically.  
  
"Yeah, burn the buildings and send all the basta…"  
  
"Aeris calm down, we want to keep this PG" quickly intercepted Cloud.  
  
Aeris frowned, running a hand through her hair.  
  
"Fine."  
  
"Good idea though" said Cloud contentedly. "Hey Cid, have you got any fags?"  
  
"Only 1" replied Cid, looking at the freshly lighted cigarette in his hand.  
  
Cid threw away the cigarette before casually saying "none."  
  
"Ok, that's great. Then, we'll split into 2 groups. Myself and Cid in group 1 Codename APHEX, Tifa and Aeris the other Codename bitches. Let's find some fags!"  
  
Aeris kicked Cloud quickly and sharply.  
  
"Okay, myself and Aeris are Codename APHEX,, Cid and Tifa are Codename bitches."  
  
Cloud was greeted by another barrage of kicks.  
  
  
  
Cloud and Cid… oh, my apologies, Cloud and Aeris walked into a wallmarket shop.  
  
It was empty, and the air a little stale.  
  
"Hello… is anyone here?" said Cloud, his voice cutting through the silence of the shop.  
  
Don Corneo walks to the counter.  
  
"Hello, hello, what can I do for you two?" he asked, a wide smile on his face.  
  
Clouds jaw dropped. "I thought you fell from the top of Da-Chao?"  
  
"I aint gonna lie to you Cloud" said the Don. "I'm so damned fat I bounced back up."  
  
Cloud and Aeris began to laugh hysterically, leaving the Don fuming.  
  
"Ok… okay laugh it up… yeah, that's right… laugh at the big fat guy… laugh at him… c'mon… ok shut up!"  
  
Cloud regained his composure and managed to ask "have you got any fags"  
  
"Nope" smiled the Don. "But I've got a Barret" and with that Don pulls Barret out from under the counter.  
  
"How the &£$ did I get here?" asked Barret looking around in amazement.  
  
"No… that's okay…" said Cloud, walking from the shop.  
  
Tifa and Cid walk into a Materia shop in Cosmo Canyon.  
  
"Are you gentlemen here to buy Materia?" he asked chirpily.  
  
"Not exactly" replied Cid. "I'm looking for some $%^^$*%^" cigarette's."  
  
"Well, we don't got cigarette's, we got real purty Materia."  
  
"Are you sure that's Materia?" asked Tifa curiously. "It just looks like painted rocks."  
  
"I said I got some real purty Materia" said the shopkeeper, reaching behind the counter and pulling out a shotgun.  
  
"Okay" replied Tifa, raising her hands and backing away. "Real pretty Materia."  
  
  
  
Cloud and Aeris where continuing their quest through the wall market, when Sephiroth emerged from the Honeybee Inn looking very flustered.  
  
"I new that wasn't a normal bar" he said breathlessly. "I could kill my Mother sometimes."  
  
Cloud walked towards him and waved.  
  
"Hey, you don't have any cigarettes do you?" asked Cloud nervously.  
  
"Er...yes" replied Sephiroth VERY mischievously.  
  
Sephiroth gave Cloud a stick of TNT.  
  
"I have never seen a red fag before" said Cloud curiously. "Is it Cuban?"  
  
Sephiroth disappears and TNT exploded.  
  
"Wow" cried Cloud, his face blackened. "That was one weird Cigarette."  
  
  
  
Back at Clouds house.  
  
"I didn't find a single dirtied butt" sighed Cloud.  
  
"Us neither" replied Tifa slowly.  
  
"Great" sighed Cid. "Oh, I remember, there's hundreds of fags in this cupboard!"  
  
"Wow… that's great" smiled Cloud.  
  
"Hey there's a sign on this door" interjected Aeris. "It says "Cid only, go away!"  
  
"Yeah… so leave it or else" demanded Cid, casting aside a cigarette.  
  
Then to the horror of all involved, the cigarette landed in Clouds cupboard, and set alight all the other cigarettes.  
  
"No… nooooooooooooooooooo" cried Cid, as Cloud's house blew up into bits!  
  
  
  
"Hey, wasn't Sephiroth dead too?"  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END. 


End file.
